Birth: pt 3- Birth

This is where my memory of things begins to get a bit foggy. From this point on there are no timestamps because I can't remember exactly what happened when.

I remember trying to gown up in between contractions, as well as trying to answer a lot of the same questions I had been asked two nights prior. I remember laboring in an odd, but very comfortable position: my rear in the air and my head hanging off the end of the bed. I remember the increasing intensity of the contractions- how one moment I could breathe through them easily... and the next can only be described as agony. I remember my blood pressure kept rising and I had to wear the cuff constantly. I remember the epidural procedure and the near instant relief from it. The epidural went in only an hour before my son was born, but after 47 hours of labor I was ready for it. I didn't know whether it would be an hour or another ten hours before I actually delivered this child.

I remember getting ready to push. The urge was overwhelming! My aunt, my birth coach, was unable to make it in time, so one of the nurses had to hold my left leg. I made the most of each contraction and pushed four times with each one. I could not see the monitor behind me, but Miles' heartrate would drop with each push. For a little while they were able to raise his heartrate again by reaching in and smacking him on the head. Eventually, however, his heartrate would not come up enough so. Dr. Marotta tried a small vacuum on his head to help him out, but with little time to spare, resorted to an episiotomy. Suddenly the head was out and... I was a Mommy again!

I held my newborn son on my chest, skin-to-skin as I had requested. He was warm, wet, very noisy, and oh so precious. For a few minutes he and I just rested together, getting used to seeing each other for the first time. Jarod cut the cord and Miles was taken to have normal newborn procedures done, screaming the whole time! What a spectacular baby!

Birth: pt 2- The Waiting

Tuesday April 27, morning:

We both took a 3 hour nap while my mom watched Mark. I was laboring the whole time. Throughout the rest of the day I spent some quality time with Mark, playing games, drawing pictures and hanging out. I knew this was going to be the last day with him.

Tuesday April 27, evening:

I took a bath to help with the pain and called my girlfriends. I had invited them over for a birthday dinner that I knew was not going to happen. My contractions got as close as 3 minutes apart, but I didn't think that was enough to call and go to the hospital again. The last thing I wanted was to be sent home again.

Wednesday April 28 9:00 am:

My 29th birthday! I called the ob first thing in the morning and got the earliest appt possible, 1:30. I wanted to see if I had made any progress in the last 24 hrs, and to check to see that the baby was ok. We had a while to wait, so we went for a walk in the morning, then to the mall to spend one of my gift cards. My mom and I went out to lunch at Uno's. When we got home I vacuumed the hardwoods, saving the carpets for when i got back from the Dr.

Wednesday April 28 1:00 pm:

We left to go to the ob and I told Mark that I would see him soon and we would have birthday dinner with cake when we got back! At the Dr I was found to be 5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. He gave me the option of going to the hospital straight from the office and being induced, saying that I would only require a small amount of pitocin to finish labor, or going home and waiting until things took off on their own. I chose to go home for a number of reasons- 1. We did not have the suitcase for the hospital with us, 2. It was my birthday and I wanted my cake, 3. I really did not want to be induced.

All the while I was at the Dr I had been having contractions, closer together and more intense than any others that day.

Wednesday April 28 2:43pm:

We are on our way home from the ob (about a block away) and I decide to pray. The answer always comes in two words and this time was no different. I asked God what I should do. The answer came loud and clear: "GO NOW." With this command came a ferocious contraction that had me begging Jarod to pull the car over and call the dr's office back. We were on our way to the hospital.

Birth: pt 1- The Beginning

Monday April 26, 9:45 am: Scheduled ob appt during which the dr was supposed to have removed the mucus plug, but I was not progressed enough to do this procedure so it was skipped. I was found to be 2 cm dilated and slightly effaced, which I was delighted to discover. Scheduled another appt for May 3.

Monday April 26, 7:00 pm: Contractions began. Started timing them about 15 minutes later because of the frequency. They were coming a minute apart and lasting a minute long. As I put Mark to bed I continued to contract.

Monday April 26, 8:15 pm: After one hour I called my Aunt and asked her what she thought I should do. I called Dr Marotta's answering service and we decided I should be seen in triage at labor and delivery. I called Jarod, my mother, and Mike M. as planned and told them to be ready.

Monday April 26 9:30 pm: Arrive at Crouse hospital and seen in triage. I was found to be 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced, the baby still at -2 station. They admitted me and began monitoring my contractions as well as the fetal heartbeat. I walked, used the tub, showered, and used nipple stimulation to sustain contractions. My mother arrived to relieve my cousin of babysitting at 11:30 that evening.

Tuesday April 27, 6:00 am: I was given the option of using pitocin to induce the continuation of labor, or else go home. My contractions had reduced to about 10 minutes apart. I chose to go home because I wanted to avoid inducing labor. We arrived home around 8:30 am. Mark was very disappointed we did not bring baby Miles home with us. This was just the beginning of a very hard week.

How I Explained Breastfeeding to My 3 Year Old

Well he finally asked. Whether it was prompted by the snack we were eating at the time (granola bars) or by my friend's new baby she was nursing at a playdate yesterday, or simply me talking about it for the last few weeks, his interest peaked. He asked, "How is baby Miles going to eat?"

I had pondered this response for months without any revelation. How do I explain something so intimate and private, yet natural and necessary, to a young child? Yet in the moment the words came to me almost unbidden:

"Mommy makes a special milk only for the baby to drink. I make it right here next to my heart. I hold the baby, and when he sucks right here the milk comes out. That's how baby Miles will eat."

For almost a minute there was silence in the backseat.

"You used to eat like that when you were a baby too." I tell him.

"Oh yeah." He says, as though suddenly recalling this.

I'm still not sure if he "gets it," but I believe that this was a teachable moment which I tried to make the most of. I have to admit I was happy to come up with a response that did not use medical terms. Not only would this have been thoroughly embarrassing, it would have gone completely over his head and no learning would have occurred.

Next step: Actually carrying out the process in front of him without either of us getting wierded out.

What I did on my Fake-cation

Sunday we went to Church and then out to lunch at Wendy's. Complete with a frosty! Then on to the Public Market where there wasn't a lot of food but I got some fresh green beans.

Monday we went to the eye dr, and then to Split Rock Elementary playground, someplace we can't go during the week normally. I also had an ob appt. later that day. After dinner we went to Target and Mark bought the baby a birthday present.

On Tuesday we went grocery shopping at Wegmans. In the afternoon the boys went for a picnic at the beach with my in-laws while I cleaned the house.

Wednesday morning we went for a wagon walk and then to a playdate with some of Mark's friends. Later on we played in the sandbox and I did some sewing.

Thursday we went for a waterfall hike at Pratt's Falls Park, and then watched a special Bob the Builder movie.

Not sure what tomorrow holds, but we will think of something fun! I think I should live every day like this- without any regard for the time of day, and only thinking of the fun activities that we can do. Each day I remind myself that it may be the very last day with my little boy before our new baby comes home. Living each day fully and full of fun leaves us both satisfied and looking forward to the next morning.

Overwhelmed

38 weeks pregnant. 3 hrs of sleep. Demanding toddler. No break at all in the coming week. It doesn't take much more for me to lose it. But yesterday was a new low- even for me.

I realized there is nothing that anyone can take from me, nothing material anyway, that actually would move me. The one thing I wanted is already gone. On the one hand I can't imagine life any other way, but the loneliness is overwhelming and I can't help but dream.

All this time I had a notion in the back of my mind that someday it would be over, and when it was things would be better. But I really thought about it and realized this is not at all what I want. I want it to work, to get better.

How do I work to fix something of this magnitude when I myself feel so useless and broken?

Book Review: Stones Into Schools

In the past few weeks I have started several books, but only actually finished one. "Stones Into Schools" by Greg Mortensen captured my interest from the synopsis I read on Amazon.com.

It is the story of one man who makes a difference in thousands of people's lives by building schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Although most of the time books like these leave me feeling unaccomplished and useless, like I'm not doing anything with my life, this one gave me a sense of hope.

The scope of which Mortensen had to involve others to achieve his goal was tremendous. From the poorest children of the world to the highest ranking officials of the United States Armed Forces. His pursuit for education knew no limits and his perseverance had no boundaries. He had a way of making friends in all the right places and making people believe in his goal.

Through his efforts many more children will be educated even in the poorest most remote areas of the world. Achieving a higher standard of health care, more community involvement, and ultimately peace. As love is the cornerstone of Christianity, peace is the true tenet of Islam, although because of the violence of others this may not be the way it is perceived.

Mortensen met much opposition when he informed authorities that his schools were to include the education of young women. Many staunch conservative Muslims do not believe that women need to learn to read, to become doctors and lawyers and teachers. They are not allowed to have those dreams and certainly not permitted to see them come to fruition. It is heartbreaking, but Mortensen and the Central Asia Institute work tirelessly to ensure that as many girls as possible see their dreams come true.

One criticism I have of this story is that it seemed a bit shortsighted. The CAI did not foresee the need for girl's graduate programs and training. The issue of female employment has not been addressed: these girls may get their diplomas and be unable to work because it is forbidden in many provinces in Afghanistan. Many well-qualified girls are not allowed to attend school (even with a scholarship) simply because a male figure in the family has vetoed it. Although the idea of female education in this area is exciting and novel, it may not be done as thoroughly as it could be.

I would recommend this book to educators, leaders, women, students, and those interested foreign policy. It is proof that one person, one promise, and fierce dedication can instill hope in those most desperate and plant a seed of peace among the stones of violence.