Bedrooms and Babies

Tonight I moved my son into his "Big Boy Room." It has been under construction for about two months, so the accomplishment probably meant more to me than to him. Although his reaction as I pushed his twin bed into the room, the final detail, was enough to tell me how much he treasured this experience. Although it is quite a bit smaller than his nursery this space is his and his alone. He does not have to share with a baby: he has eighty-four square feet all to himself.

After I put him to bed I stood in the nursery, the room that I had so painstakingly created for him. The mural, the pictures and posters on the wall, the curtains and carpet were all chosen specifically for him. For our first baby nothing was too good. I looked around and tried to imagine another child in that room. It felt unjust.

Not only was I taking away everything I had given my firstborn but I was giving it to a total stranger. I feel especially conflicted since I have done very little to prepare for this new baby. No paint colors were chosen, no laundry has been done (although I have 7 weeks left to do this), nothing makes this room "Miles' Room." It's still "Mark's Old Room."

And Mark is getting older. What a delight, what a comfort he has been to me in the last few years. There are many hours where I would not use these exact words to describe, but I can't imagine going through the rough parts of my life without him. I treasure him beyond words. I can't help but wonder if he will question my unconditional love for him when this new baby arrives. He seems to have adjusted well to the current situation, but in a few weeks we will see just how mature my little toddler is. I wish him the best in these difficult circumstances. I will always love him and be there to comfort and cheer him, as he has done for me, during this time of upheaval in his life.

To put it in perspective: the bedroom changes were slow going, but relatively simple to explain and to carry out. The emotional changes to come will evoke the true strength and patience that embodies a family.